Weekly Quote: Annie Murphy Paul, Author of “The Extended Mind,” on Teaching to Learn
This week’s quote comes from a favorite and often quoted book here on 24 Letters, The Extended Mind: The Power of Thinking Outside the Brain by Annie Murphy Paul.
The context of this quote is that children who are encouraged to take home what they are learning and teach it to their family members can learn more and better understand the material through this act.
This seems to work, in a few different ways, in our adult lives too.
When you were asked to teach your colleague that new system at work, it probably helped you learn it more thoroughly. It may have sharpened your social skills, potentially giving you more confidence, greater empathy, and a better understanding of communicating clearly.
When you go to your doctor, you may experience the teach-back method. Health care professionals are increasingly being trained to ask in a nuanced way for the patient to repeat back what they heard after a conversation so they can offer clarification and address any misunderstandings. The added benefit is that by doing this, the recipient has an opportunity to better understand the information by teaching it to the provider.
You probably remember someone who taught you something important. It may have been in school, a job, or maybe a friend who impacted your life. Perhaps it was a new skill that made you better at your job or a new idea that helped you improve your relationships. Whatever it was, you know the value of teaching even if it isn’t your job because you not only remember that person, you remember how they changed you. Everyone can and should teach what they know; it’s a gift you can give someone that can help improve their lives and the lives of those they touch.
Weekly Quote: Annie Murphy Paul on Naming the Feeling
This week, we have another quote from one of my favorite books The Extended Mind by Annie Murphy Paul.
What's wrong?
This is a question we've all heard and said countless times. Think of how often this query has been directed at you, and think about your answer. How often were you actually able to articulate what was going on? Did you respond with nothing, I'm fine, or another dismissive throw-away line? Did you make a joke, or perhaps just started listing a bunch of semi-random annoyances that came to mind? I would be surprised if one or more of these responses didn't sound familiar to you from a recent conversation.
We need a better question, something more focused on a person's present feeling. As this week's quote states, scientific research has found that naming a feeling reduces the body's stress response, helping us broaden our ability to cope with either the situation or the emotion causing the stress. So saying what are you feeling right now or how are you feeling seems a more direct approach to giving a person the space to begin figuring it out. It also signals that you are listening, and that's helpful too.
Asking about a person's feelings at work feels a little fraught. But, having done it many times with team members or colleagues who were struggling, sometimes at a crisis level, I've seen it help. I appreciate being on the receiving end of this conversation, and I believe others usually feel similarly. It doesn't always work. When it doesn’t, I remind myself that most things don't work all the time and I take a moment of reflection to examine if I could have done something differently.
Frequently, we are more comfortable with this approach around our kids or family members. Parents know that naming the feeling is the foundation of helping children learn how to develop their emotional intelligence. So it's less of asking about what's wrong and more a complex and open-ended question about thoughts and feelings that sparks a dialog.
I know that what's wrong is a ubiquitous phrase in our culture that isn't going away anytime soon. I'm trying to ask a better question, and I encourage you to do this too. Try it. Start with someone you trust. It isn't always easy to dig in, yet it can be a rewarding experience to help someone resolve a stressful situation. Are you ready to listen?