Weekly Quote: Jan-Benedict Steenkamp On Humility
This week’s quote comes from the book Time To Lead by Jan-Benedict Steenkamp.
My workflow for quote posts is to pull what I’m going to write about at the beginning of the week, so I can spend some time reflecting on it. Humility is a complicated concept, one that has been around for millennia and has been the focus of some of history’s most respected philosophers and thinkers. So I was struggling a bit to wrap my brain around it.
Then, I had a breakthrough.
I spent yesterday afternoon at the playground with my wife and two children, enjoying the sunshine and breeze as Spring finally arrives in New England. As we returned home to prepare for dinner and the nightly routine, I thought about this quote and realized that I wasn’t thinking about myself at all at the playground. I wasn’t thinking about the projects I’m working on or the tasks I need to get done around the house. I had entirely focused my mind on my family’s happiness. I was present.
Humility starts here for me, with my family, and not just thinking about what they need but what I can offer them. Who I can be for them. How I can be a better father and husband, and how it all comes together to help me be a better person.
I’ve tried to express humility in my leadership style by doing my best to understand what the teams I work with need from me, by being forgiving when people make mistakes and supportive when times are tough.
I know I still have a lot to learn in all realms of my life around humility. As I said, it’s complicated. To take a deeper look at what it means to me, I’ve created a Day One entry on the subject and look forward to further reflection. I think I’ll be writing on this topic again in the future.
What does humility mean to you?
Weekly Quote: Coleman Hawkins on Making Mistakes
This week’s quote, by the jazz legend Coleman Hawkins*, reminds us that if we aren’t stepping out of our comfort zones, we’re probably missing out on opportunities to grow.
Mistakes are the language of growth. Starting a new job, shipping a new app, building a new team, being in a relationship, being a parent, so many things are hard to do. You have to stretch, and you’re going to mess up. It’s what you do with the experience that matters. I’ve written about getting it wrong before, and how learning from that is essential. It’s a universal concept and one that is worth remembering.
It’s also important to know that it’s okay to be cautious. Maybe it’s a high-stakes situation, or you’re at a point where you need to slow down. That’s okay, embrace it and know that when you’re ready to try something new, you will, mistakes and all.
*Go check out Body & Soul by the Hawk, it’s a great collection of his work.
Weekly Quote: Ray Dalio on Maturity
This week’s quote comes from Ray Dalio’s book Principles, which I mostly consumed via audiobook during the long commute to and from my previous job. However, I’m planning a deeper dive on my Kindle soon.
It’s challenging to imagine what you may have to give up in the future when you’re focused on the present, and the idea of saying no to something now to hold space for better opportunities certainly takes practice.
I’m still maturing in this area of my life. I like to get engaged and learn and have felt the rush of excitement and, in some cases, flattery when someone asks for my help on something.
As I strive to become a better decision-maker in this area, I’m learning to ask myself in these situations the following questions and then taking some time to consider the answers honestly.
How will this fit into my life?
Check in with yourself and your family and see what’s possible. If you’re returning from parental leave, maybe it’s not the right time to jump into a new project which will likely increase your work and stress load. If you have some time and flexibility and want to get involved in something new, go for it!
Do I have the capacity to complete this and do it to my standards?
It is easy to overcommit and underestimate the time needed to complete a task. Unfortunately, as a species, we are good at doing this. It’s called the Planning Fallacy, and it’s real. Capacity, a term I’m using to represent mental and physical energy, can be hard to measure. Do you have margin in your life, and how much of that are you willing to give up? Margin equals time, and time is so important.
Does it help me learn something new?
It isn’t about being selfish. It’s about wanting to stay engaged in something while being able to learn something new. Not all projects or opportunities will tick this as a yes, and that’s okay. Saying no to this is not an automatic pass for an opportunity. However, if the first two are leaning towards a no and this one isn’t screaming yes, I have a good idea of how to proceed.
As I said, I’m trying to mature and learn how better to find the right opportunities. It isn’t always easy, but I think the three questions act as a framework to help me succeed.
Weekly Quote: Less is More
This week’s quote comes from The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman. This is a book that I’ve read multiple times and continue to find new wisdom and ideas every time I pick it up.
I’m working on trying to say less while learning to trust that those who are listening will ask for what they need. I still find myself sliding back into explainer mode sometimes, particularly in email. I desire to be helpful, but my attempt likely hits somewhere between a lack of focused thought and condescension.
It’s a balance, like so many aspects of communication. Trying to make expectations known or be supportive of someone without writing them a novel via email that they won’t read anyway.
Sometimes, less is more.
Weekly Quote: Rethinking is a Skill
Another quote this week from Think Again by Adam Grant. I like the idea that rethinking, a critical part of leadership growth in my experience, is both a mindset and a skill set.
I’ve found that one of the most important skills for rethinking is active listening. It’s important to hear those who present a different perspective and process what they’re saying instead of just waiting for the chance to respond. I know this skill can be challenging to maintain, especially in high-stress situations, but it’s worth trying.
Time for reflection is also helpful. It gives room to consider further the new information you have and decide what other data you may need to make the best decision. Because rethinking is a form of decision-making, the entire process can help us learn and grow, so let’s embrace that.
As Adam says, these skills get rusty. What are you doing to get them out of the shed?
Weekly Quote: Make a List
This week’s quote is from Jon Acuff’s book Soundtracks: The Surprising Solution to Overthinking.
I love lists. I always have. Creating lists brings me a sense of control and focus that is so empowering.
I use digital and analog tools to collect data and am pleased with this hybrid approach. Tasks end up in Todoist, and items that aren’t as fully formed or action-oriented find their home in Craft.
I find lists to be especially useful as a tool to slow my mind down during a stressful or unexpected challenge. I will take five or ten minutes, find a quiet place, and write everything down in these situations.
I think of this as reactive list building, although it’s essentially a brain dump, a concept popularized by David Allen’s Getting Things Done. I find that doing this helps me sort out a situation by getting organized, and it helps bring a sense of clarity to the challenges ahead.
Are you a list builder? What tools do you use? I’m going to write more about this in the future and would love to hear from you.
Weekly Quote: Fill The Glass
This week’s quote comes from Donald Kaberuka, an economist and former president of the African Development Bank and current chair of the board of the Global Fund to Fight AIDS. I discovered it in an issue of James Clear’s excellent 3-2-1 Newsletter.
Imagine if you walked into your next senior leadership meeting and the only item on the agenda was a significant crisis that needed resolution? Now, imagine the facilitator started things off with this quote?
What Mr. Kaberuka is expressing here exemplifies confidence and a focused attempt at finding the right solution. If you lead a team, this approach is invaluable because they need to believe that there is a solution and that you will lead them to search for it.
Of course, you need to believe it too. Reading the quote is helpful, but holding onto the inspiration it offers is vital for success and growth. How do you focus on filling the glass? Let me know.
Weekly Quote: Learn from Being Wrong
This week’s quote comes from renowned author, economist, psychologist, and Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman.
I’ve found the long-term gains from learning something new through being wrong are significant and worth the potential embarrassment. The ability to change one’s opinion or grow in a new area is, to me at least, more important than perseverating about that time I advocated for an approach during a leadership meeting and ended up being wrong.
Try to get it right, but don’t be afraid to be wrong. Remember to give others some grace when they get it wrong too. In my experience, people respect those who can admit when they are wrong while being supportive of others on their journey too.
Weekly Quote: Suffering our Imagination
This quote connects nicely with last week’s entry about focusing on what we can control. Our ability to tell ourselves stories about the future is powerful, and we usually use it to our detriment even though the worst-case scenarios rarely come to pass.
A context shift can help us deal with these runaway thoughts, especially the big, persistent narratives that just won’t go away. I find reading a book or listening to some new music helpful because it provides some distraction in a low-stakes way and gives my brain time to reflect and engage with the subject in a new way. Doing something a little different can help bring a fresh perspective to the situation, making all the difference and helping to reset things for the better.
How do you handle this? Let me know.
Weekly Quote: Focus on What You Can Control
This week’s quote from The Daily Stoic applies to every aspect of our lives. I happened to slip on some ice earlier this week and ended up breaking my wrist. There isn’t much about that which I have control over.
I’m focusing on what I can control. I’m focused on healing, supporting my family, learning how to type (and do everything else) with one hand, and avoiding those slippery spots. How are you dealing with uncertainty? Let me know.
Weekly Quote: Be a Propeller
A sort of flow state comes along when what Adam Grant references in this week’s quote occurs. When I’ve experienced an argument like this, there is a sense of mutual respect, a desire to grow an idea through disagreement, and even excitement as the interested parties discuss concepts and find a path to come closer together on a resolution.
In situations like this, our ideas are collectively improved because of the outcome. Even if the argument doesn’t begin in this spirit, we are empowered to help find its way to something that can take flight.
If you haven’t read Think Again yet, you should. It’s one of my favorite books from 2021, and I’ll be writing more about my takeaways in the coming months.
Remember that it’s never too late to be the propeller.
Weekly Quote: Go Outside
This week’s quote from The Extended Mind by Annie Murphy Paul. Despite still being some two months until the end of winter here in Massachusetts, the sun feels a little brighter now and is gracing us with its presence for a few more minutes each afternoon. As my mind turns hopefully to spring, I’m looking forward to more frequent and comfortable walks in the nearby park and time spent at the playground with my family.
I spent many years in windowless offices, and I learned firsthand how meaningful sunshine and fresh air are. If you are at your desk, get up and go outside, even for just a few minutes. Take it in. It’s good for you
Weekly Quote: Make a Plan, and Watch it Change
I had plans for the week, and I bet you did too. Of course, sometimes, pretty frequently actually, those plans change. Sometimes, it’s a minor course correction. Sometimes, the entire plan is, as Eisenhower said in the well-known quote above, useless.
I know how empowering planning can be, both personally and professionally. As a parent, having a plan helps keep my kids on track and helps to keep my wife and me somewhat sane and just barely rested. As a leader, having a plan is vital. In some situations, the plan may be a starting point to help everyone in the room see the vision and catch some confidence to know there is a direction for the team to move in. Other times, it may be fully formed and ready for buy-in and implementation. In just about any situation, a plan is ideal, even if you don’t end up using it.
Look, I’m not trying to help the Allies win World War II or serve as the 34th President of The United States. I still think this quote is a universal truth, and that's part of the reason why it’s so popular. For me, reality this week is different than what I planned, and I am making the best of it.
How is your week going? Are you on target or chasing the weekend to regroup? Send me a note and let me know.
Conquer Resistance
I read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield about a month before I created this site. I had a lot of doubt that I’d be able to accomplish much of anything while we journeyed through life with a newborn baby who wasn’t big on sleeping. We also have a two-year-old and learning to keep everything in balance cast a shadow that I could do something that required regular creative attention.
That, my friends, was a textbook example of Resistance. As the quote suggests, fear is the fuel that feeds so much of our doubts and negative beliefs. We have the power to be our own worst enemies.
The same is true in all aspects of our lives. For example, we might tell ourselves that we shouldn’t take the risk of pushing for a new role at work. We don’t believe we’re good enough for that person who we like and have a connection. We don’t feel comfortable having that vital conversation with our children or spouse. That’s all based on fear, and it becomes a negative feedback loop that keeps you from moving ahead, from making connections, from growing.
Read The War of Art if you’re trying to do anything and feel that creeping sense of doubt about it. It’s a wonderfully written book that helped me realize that I could do this and still be a great father and husband. It helped me move past fear-based thinking, and I am better because of that.
Handling Minor Adversity
Here’s a great reminder that how we handle the little things matter, whether at work with our teams or colleagues or at home with our kids, partners, or in-laws.
For leaders, the little things can be a big part of a given day, and minor adversity happens all the time. So remember this quote the next time it seems you can’t catch a break. How you react matters, and people are watching and listening to learn how you handle it and who you are.
Once they find out, they won’t forget.