Sick Week x3 (Thoughts on Sick Time at Work)
As a leader, I've taken a realistic approach to my team members' needs when caring for their kids. Even before I had children, it was apparent how difficult balancing work and parenting was, and I didn't want to make it more complicated. I remember seeing the relief from team members when I would talk about finding them some flexibility when a child was sick. The rest of the team would often be at the ready, already aware of the situation and offering to fill in the gaps.
The business need is a fundamental consideration; I know that. What's also true is that there is often more flexibility than we realize, especially when the leader builds a team on foundations of respect and collaboration. People want to help each other, and those who gain from this don't usually forget it. They often repay the favor when called upon, building upon a network of goodwill that can elevate a team to be more effective and robust. The business does better when the teams take care of each other, and that starts with the leader authentically modeling empathy and flexibility.
These thoughts came to mind because I'm coming off a three-week period where a wave of sickness hit everyone in the house. My full-time job is to stay home with one of our kids, so it kept me busy. Of course, my wife, who works full time, also did an incredible amount in addition to her demanding job. If you have kids, you know everyone is wiping noses and cuddling between sales presentations and Zoom calls. Your children don't care if you are working, and that's particularly true if you're doing so remotely. They need you.
We're on the other side of it now, with the children healthy and my wife and I back to our usual selves. While this, by definition, isn't a job because it doesn't pay the bills, it is an integral part of my personal and professional life, and I'm taking my own advice to get back to it. So I'm in the studio again, and even though my daily time for creating is limited, it's good to be back.
Thanks for being patient. There's more coming.
Seneca’s Most Powerful Quotes From The Daily Stoic
The Daily Stoic has released a beautifully produced video featuring dozens of quotes from Seneca that I just spent the last five minutes enjoying. If you have a few quiet minutes, take a look. I’ll be sharing more from the Stoics in the coming months, so stay tuned.
Weekly Quote: Ray Dalio on Progress From Pain
This week's quote comes from Ray Dalio, founder of Bridgewater Capital and author of a series of books about principles in life and business.
Mistakes are the language of growth, and we learn so much through productive struggle. There is a lot of power in trying and failing. It's where you better understand your potential and build upon your best self. While It can be a painful experience, one upside may be how much you grow when you come out the other end. Remember that reflection is the key to finding growth and getting through the hard times. It’s how you learn, and how you prepare yourself for what’s to come.
Weekly Quote: Scott Galloway on Taking Uncomfortable Risks
This week’s quote comes from professor, author, and podcaster Scott Galloway on a recent episode of Pivot when asked to offer advice to someone turning 30.
After my second child was born, I adopted a bias toward action. I have a family that needs me to take calculated risks, and I know that ideas I think are worth exploring will go nowhere if I don’t act. What’s the worst that will happen? I might fail or be embarrassed. Who cares? I have more perspective now, and I often consider the words of Kara Swisher, Scott’s cohost on Pivot and a well-regarded journalist, that we will not be here in 100 years.
Take Galloway’s advice. Don’t be foolish, but know that being uncomfortable can be the ticket to transformation.
Finding Focus: Staying on Track With Dark Noise
Since launching this site, most of my writing has been done either in the early morning or while my two kids nap. I often play music and there is always white noise playing for our kids while they sleep. Without realizing it, that sound has become a foundation for my focus state and my writing process. While I like having white noise on in the background, The mono speaker on most baby monitors isn’t very good, with sound quality not being high on the list of features.
I’ve been aware of various white noise apps and have used one version on the Amazon Alexa a few times, however I hadn’t tried one on my Apple devices. Timing is everything apparently because as I was considering this, Episode 669 of my favorite tech podcast, the Mac Power Users featuring Charlie Chapman, the developer behind Dark Noise, was released. I downloaded his app while listening to the episode and have been using it since.
What is Dark Noise
Dark Noise is an ambient noise app for iOS and Mac. Its developer, Charlie Chapman, is the kind of app developer I am happy to support. He is also an artist, designer, and podcaster who’s been working on iOS and Mac Apps for nearly a decade. During his appearance on Mac Power Users, Charlie shared his perspective on being an indie developer and spoke candidly with hosts David Sparks and Stephen Hackett about moving Dark Noise from a side gig to a full-time project, which would likely require it to become a subscription app. Clearly, he is not interested in a money grab and is thinking carefully about how to provide the best value for his customers.
My favorite Dark Noise feature is it’s simplicity. When you open the app on mobile, the last used sound is shown just above a large play button. There’s little else aside from the usual audio source picker and volume slider, a timer, and an option to select other sounds. Nothing gets in the way of you pressing play and getting on with whatever you need to do.
Dark Noise on iOS, Mac, and iPadOS. Image Courtesy of Dark Noise
On the Mac, the design is similarly clean and intuitive. I am a big fan of the adaptive toolbar design, which makes it easy to show only the controls and what’s currently playing. This makes managing precious screen real estate much easier.
The app offers a large variety of sounds, with 50 to choose from, including traditional white noise machine options and a significant variety of other environmental sounds like rain, wind chimes, fireworks, and even a spaceship engine. You can also mix the different sounds to customize the vibe you’re looking for, and on the Mac you can use it while listening to other audio sources as well.
How I Use It
I’ve been listening to Dark Noise while writing for the last month. I spent the first week listening to a custom mix of the thunderstorms and coffee shop sounds, while the last few weeks have had me alternating mostly between the heavy rain and grey noise options. I’m finding that the specific time of day or mood helps dictate what I want to listen to, and learning what fits best is fun to explore. I’ve also used Dark Noise a few times while doing household chores. Sometimes I want to listen to something but don’t want a podcast, audiobook, or music, and it’s great to have another option. I’m spoiled for choices.
Dark Noise has robust automation support for Siri and Keyboard Shortcuts and offers Widgets and Home Screen quick actions. I access my preferred sound quickly through a shortcut that lives on my iPad and iPhone Home Screen and on my Stream Deck for the Mac.
I know that the baby monitor won’t be in my home and studio in a few years. So while I have some feelings about my kids growing up (Parents, you get it), I’m pleased to know that I’ll have a beautifully designed app that offers a variety of sounds to help me focus created by an indie developer who wants it to stick around. Dark Noise is subtle enough to keep my mind from wandering without being distracting, and with all that’s vying for my attention, it’s refreshing to have this option.
Weekly Quote: Ryan Holiday on Realizing Your Full Potential
This week’s quote is from Discipline is Destiny by Ryan Holiday.
It's bad enough to let someone else down, but letting yourself down is a failure of possibility. It's a reminder of what you should be doing and who you might become. If that doesn't motivate you to stretch and reach your potential, I'm not sure what will.
Ted Gioia’s 8 Best Techniques for Evaluating Character
The writer and jazz musician Ted Gioia recently offered his insights on best evaluating someone's character via his Substack, The Honest Broker.
From the article:
The careful application of these techniques has saved me a lot of heartache and agita. My dealings with people tend to be positive nowadays, and mostly because I've put a lot of effort into ensuring that they are good, trustworthy people. This is valuable both on the upside and downside.
I've become a quick fan of Ted's writing and will save this for regular review because it's full of helpful advice that's easy to forget. You may want to do the same.
Weekly Quote: Morgan Housel on the Journey of Ideas
This week’s quote comes from Morgan Housel on LinkedIn. Morgan is the author of The Psychology of Money: Timeless Lessons on Wealth, Greed, and Happiness.
Remember this quote the next time you’re setting out to do something. You are rarely “first” to a concept, and your work isn’t immediately invalidated if it’s been explored previously. People interested in you want more of you, and you’ll undoubtedly bring that through your perspective. Part of the success in anything is how you get to the result. Act as an authentic guide for your reader or audience on the trip; it won’t matter how often the road has been traveled because you are there with them.
It’s Quit Day, Change Your Mindset and Keep Going
From Inc Magazine:
Research conducted by Strava using over 800 million user-logged activities in 2019 predicts the day most people are likely to give up on their New Year's Resolution is January 19. (Strava calls it "Quitter's Day.")
There it is. According to Strava's data, today is the day you will most likely give up on the resolutions you set at the end of last year. But you don't have to be a part of that statistic. Instead, you can honor your intentions of improving or changing in ways that help you by reframing the process and adjusting your mindset.
Try this:
Change from the resolution mindset to a habit-building one. If you're trying to do something this year, take it in small increments, make a plan you can realistically follow, celebrate your wins, and give yourself grace when you miss the workout or don't write in your journal like you wanted. It happens, don't let that be an excuse for giving up on something important.
How are you doing? Let me know, and stick with it.
From the Newsletter: 3 Tips for Starting Again
Every month, I send a short (approx. 5-minute read time) email with behind-the-scenes insights into what I'm working on, share a media recommendation, and offer tips, ideas, or quotes that can help keep you motivated. If that sounds like something you’d enjoy, you can subscribe here.
To give you an idea of what to expect in your inbox if you do subscribe, you can read the December issue in full here. Additionally, I'm sharing a piece from the November issue that may be helpful if you've fallen off a little on those new habits you're trying to build in 2023. The backstory is that I had just come through a tough month with my entire family getting sick, and I wanted to share three simple tips I used to get back on track.
Here you go:
1. Be Kind to Yourself
Start with this idea: Everyone goes through periods like this.
Even the most organized and accomplished person sometimes loses the thread through no fault of their own. Practice being kind to yourself and those around you. You will be tired, so negative self-talk will get louder. Prioritize sleep when you can, and try to maintain even a tiny aspect of your daily routine. That journaling habit I keep talking about can also help keep you on track.
2. Pick a Date to Start Back up
Once things return to normal, pick a day on the calendar and get back to some form of your normal schedule. Once my kids started sleeping again, I got back into getting up early to spend some time writing. If my job right now weren't a stay-at-home dad, I know I would have less control over this. Even if you work full-time, picking a date to anchor yourself is a good idea.
3. It Will Happen Again
The return to normal will probably be temporary. Things do not always go the way we plan, and how you deal with that matters. Practice the first principle of Stoicism (see the quote below); you cannot control what happens, but how you react is up to you. I'm only sometimes great at this, but remembering this helps me reset my perspective when things are challenging.
You can do it. Just remember to be kind to yourself, give yourself a break, and get back to it.
I’m enjoying the creative process of building the newsletter as a companion for the blog, and I’ve gotten some nice comments about it from readers which I so appreciate. If you’re interested you can join here to get it delivered to your inbox at the end of every month.
Weekly Quote: Henry Miller on Finishing What You Start
Taking the advice to finish one thing at a time from the novelist and literary trailblazer Henry Miller isn’t easy. You are constantly bombarded with notifications and distractions, even when you sleep. So if it feels like your brain craves dopamine, it probably does. The world is complex as people find their way forward despite round after round of layoffs, a challenging economy, rising prices, and international strife. With all that’s happening, it might feel like you don’t stand a chance.
But you do.
It may not be as simple as Miller suggests, and few of us have complete control over our time or the unfettered ability to decide where we focus our attention. But you can probably find thirty minutes or an hour most days, which can be your time to get the important thing done.
Whether you find that hour at home, perhaps before everyone else wakes up, or find a few hours to block schedule your calendar at the office when you can say no to meetings, one thing remains true: It takes planning and energy to stay focused and get something done, but it’s worth it. Doing a little planning and then building the habit of sticking with it can make all the difference in finishing something meaningful.
Take a look at the calendar right now and ask yourself this critical question, where is your time?
Weekly Quote: The Daily Creative on Communicating Expectations
At the end of 2022, my friend Jim Eagar, the writer behind the Original Mac Guy, shared a few quotes from the Daily Creative: Find Your Inspiration to Spark Creative Energy and Fight Burnout by Todd Henry. The ideas resonated with me, and I started the new year by adding this book to my daily reading habit.
Except for my current hiatus from work as a stay-at-home dad, I've spent the last couple of decades leading people. One of the most important lessons I have learned about developing team dynamics and reducing frustration and confusion is if expectations aren't shared with clarity and agreed upon by all involved, it's mostly down to luck whether the message will get through. I've yet to speak to a senior leader or read any books on leadership and personal development that follow that technique, and unsurprisingly don’t recommend it here either.
If you’re asking someone to do something, it is your responsibility to make sure there is a conversation and the expectations are clear, otherwise any conflict that may arise is on you.
The Daily Stoic Kindle Edition is on Sale
The Kindle edition of The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living is on sale for a great price today. I’ve been reading this book on a near-daily basis for several years in both hardcover and Kindle. I recommend it to anyone interested in stoicism and personal development. It’s a page or two of wisdom each day that can help shape things for the better.
Navigating Time With the Fresh Start Effect
You aren't alone if you set a New Year's resolution or two. It's called the fresh start effect, and there's some science behind why we are compelled to use significant dates to start something new.
Dan Pink writes in When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing about research from three Wharton social scientists, Hengchen Dai, Katherine Milkman, and Jason Riis. They found that people often use important dates as temporal landmarks to help us navigate time, and the 1st of the year is unsurprisingly on that list. The researchers found that temporal landmarks fall into personal and social categories.
Temporal Landmarks
Personal landmarks include those big moments in your life that don't have the same impact on those around you. Examples include anniversaries, work changes, and birthdays.
Social landmarks are shared throughout society and cultures, including holidays and firsts, like the first day of the week, month, or year.
There are two reasons why these landmarks are so important to us, and they aren't surprising. First a new year allows you to put your "old self," with all your perceived mistakes and shortcomings, into the archives and begin again.
The second involves an opportunity to see the forest through the trees. We are so often focused on the details of our daily lives that it is challenging to slow down and take in the big picture.
These personal and social landmarks offer an opportunity for a new beginning, to set a demarcation line between the past and the future to build something new. It's a chance to stand tall, take a deep breath, and look ahead at the horizon to see what lies ahead.
Finding Your Way
Did you start something new on the first of the year? Congratulations!
Now, take the next step and ask yourself: What's the plan beyond picking a meaningful start date?
Are you thinking about the new habits you'll need to be successful? Have you written them down in a journal or task manager to make them stick? How will you hold yourself accountable? Is someone helping you with that, or are you tracking streaks, maybe using the Seinfeld System?
Ultimately, long-term success comes from a combination of inspiration and the process of planning, habit development, follow-through, and review. The temporal landmark brings meaning, but you must have the determination.
Sticking With It
We order our lives through time, and acknowledging the power of these landmarks in our daily lives is an integral part of making our aspirations a reality. If you missed January 1st or lost your way with what you wanted to do, consider what went wrong and alter your plan if needed, and then pick another landmark. It can be a Monday, the first day of a new season, your birthday, or the day you start a new course or job. If you want to start something, pick a date that is meaningful to you and get started. Do some planning, write regularly about how things are progressing, and keep going.
*You can read the original report by the researchers that Dan Pink referenced here.
24 Letters Turns One
I launched 24 Letters on the first day of 2022, although the idea began coming together in October of 2021. I shared some thoughts on the motivation for launching this project in the first issue of the newsletter a few months back:
The idea for 24 Letters started taking shape a year ago. The timing coincides with the birth of my second child. At the end of my leave, I decided to take a career break and become a stay-at-home dad.
I quickly realized that I still had an overwhelming desire to be creative and find a new way to continue my favorite part of being in a leadership role, giving people the tools and ideas to develop, grow, and become stronger versions of themselves. That philosophy of empowerment is central to what I'm doing because I want to guide people to learn things that help improve their lives.
I thought about this philosophy for a few months before launch, finding time to write, wrestle The Resistance, and build on some of the ideas during the long sleepless nights that are part of the deal with a newborn before finally launching on January 1st.
I’m so glad to be here with you, building a community of curious and engaged folks. Thank you for being a part of this!
As we begin 2023, I have never felt stronger about the above sections in bold. I’m planning a lot to deliver on this statement for the coming year, and I'm thrilled you will be a part of this with me.
Weekly Quote: Philip Glass on Getting Better
Here’s a helpful reminder as we approach the new year from the composer and pianist Philip Glass. If you have things you want to start doing or get better at, pursue them. Be consistent and work towards small growth over time. When you fail or make a mistake, keep going.
Practice makes progress has been a recurring theme for me this year, and I know it will be on my mind in the year to come. I encourage you to adopt that mindset too.
Ryan Holiday on Building Better Habits in 2023
Ryan Holiday recently shared a thoughtful piece on building habits that stick for the new year. His writing inspires me as a creator and human, and I’m sure you’ll find something in the piece that resonates with you.
Weekly Quote: Ralph Waldo Emerson on the Urgency of Kindness
This week’s quote comes from the influential 19th century American poet, essayist, and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson.
This is a fitting quote to share as we celebrate time with family and friends, some of whom we only see a few times each year. Remember that being kind can change the trajectory of someone’s day and can make you feel pretty great in the process.
Happy holidays, everyone!
Three Questions From Dan Pink to Keep Your Group in Sync
I finished When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing by Dan Pink last week. The book delves into how timing affects our ability and desire to get stuff done, and focuses on the when as much as someone like Simon Sinek looks at the why. It’s really a fascinating read, I strongly recommend it.
I always enjoy actionable takeaways from books, and the final chapter offers three questions that any group should ask themselves on a regular basis in order to ensure that everyone is synced up.
The Three Questions
The three questions created by Dan are:
Do we have a clear boss—whether a person or some external standard—who engenders respect, whose role is unambiguous, and to whom everyone can direct their initial focus?
Are we fostering a sense of belonging that enriches individual identity, deepens affiliation, and allows everyone to synchronize to the tribe?
Are we activating the uplift—feeling good and doing good—that is necessary for a group to succeed?
I’m planning to enshrine these questions into future group operations. They’re so simple to ask and can help insight into how a group dynamic is changing. They also might be an early indicator into what I call group decay.
Avoiding Group Decay
Group decay is what happens when things start to fall apart and the result is a lack of effective forward momentum. There are many potential causes for this. Most often, a change in group leadership or significant turnover in the team can shift the focus and energy to an extent that is difficult to overcome. Other times, changes in or a total lack of a clear mission statement can stall things and that can push the strongest group members, your champions of momentum, away.
I think the three questions bring up ideas about group dynamics that are key for success, and like the legs of a stool you aren’t going to be upright for very long without them all being in good shape.
I do think the focus on the feeling and doing good from question three, which for me feels like one of the strongest selling points of working in a group setting, is particularly useful in keeping people motivated and boosting morale. Having a sense of doing the right thing is incredibly powerful and can help a person on even their hardest day to keep moving forward in a productive way.
If you are leading a group and you use these questions, let me know how it goes.
Weekly Quote: Marcus Aurelius on the Color of Your Thoughts
This week’s quote comes from the Gregory Hays translation of Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.
So much of who you are comes from what you surround yourself with. If you don’t like something about yourself, first examine the inputs. If you’re feeling scattered and struggling to focus, maybe you’re spending too much time on social media. If you are tired, maybe you need more sleep. If you are lonely, you might call a friend or family member. Think about what you are getting and what you aren’t, because it all will color your thoughts, and that will affect you for better or worse.
Ultimately, it’s your responsibility to practice the difficult balance in life, to learn from your mistakes, and find progress through it all.